CSI:NY Love, Loss and Life
by nattybatty55
Summary: Character Death, followed by the Life of a certain chld. DL
1. Chapter 1

The room was cold and full of sadness even though this was meant to be one of the happiest times of his life. The man sitting in the corner of the room was holding a small bundle.

'Hey sweetie'

The small little girl moved to get closer to the warmth of her father as she clenched her small fist around Danny's finger. Danny smiled at the little girl as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

'You're my special little girl now and I won't let anything happen to you. I'm not going to let your mommy down, ok?'

The child moved again and opened her small eyes as if searching for the spoken person.

'Mommy's not here sweetie,' another tear fell as he spoke, 'she…she was killed but you are my miracle because the docs managed to save you.'

[i Flashback

'What can I do for 'ya Mac?...what? hospital? What happened? Are they ok?'

Danny had raced to the hospital. Mac had told him to get there fast, it wasn't looking good. Lindsay was had just passed her eight month of pregnancy- she was only going to the grocers.

He ran as fast as he could until he saw a grim looking Mac standing in the corridor,

'Mac? What happened? What's going on?'

Mac turned and faced the young man, 'They took her into surgery straight away, and they had no choice but to perform a C-section! You're a daddy Danny to a beautiful baby girl even though she's premature they didn't need to put her in an incubator.'

'And Lindsay?'

Mac looked up as fear began to spread over the young man's face, 'There working on her Danny but it doesn't look good!'

'I don't understand, how could this have happened Mac?'

'Witnesses have said that she was caught in the middle of a gang fight one-on-one. One of them panicked when Lindsay said she was a cop and shot her.' Danny quickly looked up, 'they only hit here leg but she lost a lot of blood. Luckily the paramedics were close by and it didn't take long for them to bring her here.'

Danny sat down in the seat next to him as Mac got some coffee for the both of them from the machine next to them.

What seemed like hours later to Danny the door opened and the doctor entered- it didn't look good. Danny stood up and as the man shook is head Danny lost control of his legs as he whispered her name, Mac just had time to catch him.[/i

As Danny remembered the past few hours he began to cry. Danny Messer hadn't cried since he was a young boy but Montana was his life and he had lost it.

Danny looked down at the brown eyed girl in front of him, little wisps of brunette hair lay on top of her head. 'I'm going to miss your mommy sweetie but I got to look after you now and you haven't just got me you have got the rest of the family ok? And I have a feeling your going to have your uncle Mac wrapped around that little finger of yours as soon as your old enough.'

Danny stood up and walked back towards the cradle, 'I'm going to go see your mommy now sweetie ok? So go to sleep I'll be back soon but I have a feeling auntie Stel might beat me to it! I love you.' Lindsay Montana Messer closed her eyes as her father left the room.

Danny pushed the door opened to the small mortuary in the hospital he had never had to some to this room before but he noticed it was similar to the room at the ME's office. It was quite cold and there was a dull light fitting that hung in the middle of the room casting Danny's shadow on the dark wall. Danny's eyes were drawn to a rectangular box like object on which his Montana had been lain on top of. He walked over to her motionless form and pulled the white sheet from over her face and sat down on the wooden chair that had been placed close by.

'Hey Baby,' Danny said as he stroked her forehead, 'our daughters a beautiful little girl! Do you want to know what she's called?' Danny paused,

'She's called Lindsay Montana Messer I named her after the beautiful woman I fell in love with.' He stopped again as a tear fell at the thought of him living a life with out Lindsay.

'Our daughter's the spitting image of you Montana; she's going to be my mini Montana! I just hope she isn't as stubborn as her mother.'

Danny sat back and starred at the woman in front of him as he moved his golden wedding band around his finger.

He sat there in silence and lost track of time when he heard the door open and he turned around and his best friend entered the room. 'Hey Dan, the nurses haven't seen you for hours they were beginning to get worried. I told them you were a grown man but they insisted I come and find you.' He smiled at Danny which he returned.

'I hope you don't mind but me and Stel went to your place and got everything ready for the new arrivals return home. Oh the nurses also told me to tell you that you can take her home tomorrow, they just want to keep her here for tonight just encase.'

'nah, man I don't mind you at my place as long as you didn't pinch my beer!' Danny looked back at Lindsay, 'Thanks man.'

For the first time Flack looked at the woman in front of him.

'Don't Dan…'

Danny turned back around to face Flack, 'Don't what Flack?'

'Blame yourself Danny, there's nothing you could have done! The guy that did it turned himself in when he realised what he'd done.'

'I don't bla…'

'Dan I've you for a long time- you're link my second brother and I can read you nearly as well as Lins…' Flack stopped himself he couldn't bring himself to say the name of the woman that was lying in front of him.

'So what have you called your beautiful angel any way, those nurses wouldn't let me in until I found you?'

'The only name I could think of man,' Danny paused, 'Lindsay Montana Messer.'

'It's perfect Danny.'

Another 10 minutes later Flack broke the silence, 'Come on we best get back before I get castrated by those nurses and if we leave it any longer Stella will be all 'cooed' out!'

Danny laughed, 'Yeh give me a minute man!'

'I'll be outside Dan.' Flack turned and left Danny alone once again.

He stood up and kissed her forehead, 'I love you Montana and there's no chance in hell that's changing.'

Danny and Flack were walking down the corridor to wards the room where Lindsay was. When they reached the window they saw Stella fussing over the girl in her arms.

'What id I tell 'ya man?'

They both laughed as Danny opened the door, 'Oh look here's Danny, yes he, yeh he his isn't he!'

'Stel it's pretty scary when you do that!'

'Oh shut it Flack!' Stella said as she passed Danny his daughter.

They sat down on the chairs in the room and spent another half another talking. Danny looked down at the girl in his arms, you could tell that she was going to look just like her mother. Danny was glad that a bit of his Montana still lived on.

'Danny, dan?' Stella said awakening him from his daydream.

'Err yeh Stel?' Danny said as he looked up.

'It's 11:30 and me and Don were just going back to the lab before we head home.'

'Er yeh you too head out I won't be long. The nurse said I could stay with Lindsay but I want to go home and make sure you two haven't wrecked the place! But I got to and get some stuff out of my locker anyway.'

'See 'ya in a bit Dan.' Flack said as he got up and clapped Danny on the back. Stella on the other had got up and kissed Lindsay on the check and then turned to leave.

'Erm Stel, where's mine?' Danny said flashing his Messer smile.

Stella walked back up to him and kissed him on the check, 'There you go Messer!'

'See you later guys!'

As they left Danny stood up and walked his now sleeping daughter over to the cradle, 'Ok I'm going now sweetie but the nurses are going to take care of you and remember that Mummy will be watching so don't cause them any trouble ok?'

He kissed Lindsay on the forehead and lowered her into the cot, 'I love you sweetie.' He said as he walked towards the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny walked into the locker room and set on the bench in the centre. He put his face in his hands, closed his eyes and tried to process the days events. It didn't feel five minutes since five in the morning when he had to leave for work and Lindsay had insisted on getting up at four so she could make him breakfast and spend some quality time with him.

At the time he had told her to stop being stupid but she had insisted and had made him breakfast but had soon found themselves back in bed making love to each other- for the last time. He had woken her up just before he left- he didn't realise he was saying goodbye for good, for the last time. It was now that he was glad that his wife had been the stubborn woman that she was because it had allowed him to spend that extra, now precious, hour with her.

He had been at the hospital for the past 12 hours and the effects were showing. He highly doubted that when he got home he would be able to sleep but as he thought about the man who had shot Lindsay he saw red. He felt like crying out but Danny Messer had no tears left.

Tomorrow would be the beginning of a new life with no Montana by his side since they got married three years ago nether mind the two years that they had been dating previous.

He took a deep breath, stood up and opened his locker his eyes briefly looking at Lindsay's. He battled with himself to look in the locker but gave in and pulled it opened. There was actually quite little in the locker there was a change of clothes, her shampoo and perfume. He looked at the inside of the door and saw the pictures that Lindsay had tacked to it.

He let his eyes scan the pictures of the team on New Years Eve, his favourite was the one of the whole team Sid had took a quick picture of them soon after the 12 o'clock mark. Mac, Stella and Flack were in the middle with Adam and Hawkes on one side and Danny and Lindsay on the other. He and Lindsay (then his girlfriend) were looking at each other with no care in the world bar each other. Everyone on the team agreed that they were made for each other and as he looked at the wedding photo in the centre he knew that they were right.

Before he closed the door he looked at the newest photo of their latest scan where you could clearly make out their child. Lindsay had bet Danny that they were having a girl but Danny had disagreed. Lindsay had been right of course. The child in the picture was now his life and he would do anything to protect her.

He reached into his locker to grab his gym bag and left the room as he heard Mac's voice.

'Get him out of hear' Mac told an officer, 'He can't apologise so get him out of my sight before I do something I regret! Make sure he gets booked for murder of an officer!'

'Yes sir!' the obviously new officer said as he guided a handcuffed man towards the elevator.

'Danny!' Mac said.

Before full realisation had reached his brain his legs and arms had taken charge and the man was now pinned up against the wall as Danny's arm stopped the man from getting enough oxygen, 'HOW COULD YOU DO IT, YOU BSTRD!! WHY? YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! DIDN'T YOU NOTICE SHE WAS PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!'

As Danny had been shouting Mac had ran across the corridor and managed to pull the younger man off of the man. The man fell to the ground as he tried to breath again. Mac felt Danny relax in his arms so he let go and Danny headed off towards the elevator without another word- his bang left, that wasn't important.

Flack who had just come out of the interrogation room went to go after him but Mac put out his arm, 'No Flack, he needs to be a lone- trust me.'

Danny walked into the apartment and shut the door quietly. By now all his emotion had been drained- he had nothing left he felt numb and his feet were guiding him toward the bedroom where he stripped and collapsed into bed. He was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of Lindsay and he automatically fell asleep to the peacefull and welcoming smell.

Danny woke up the next morning in a daze he wasn't really sure if he had been dreaming but as he rolled over on to the cold sheets, it all came flooding back. He didn't want to get up but knew that if he didn't get out from under the covers soon, he never would!

The night before he hadn't even thought about making sure everything was ready for Lindsay. He knew that Flack and Stella would have done anything but he just wanted to make sure.

He got up and walked towards the closet. Momentarily pausing to look at his wife's, he shook himself and his favourite shirt and a pair of jeans. He left his bedroom and walked across the hall towards the nursery that had been decorated for the past month. He noticed that the many boxes that had been in the room were no longer there but the contents had been placed around the room. The cupboard was full of Nappies and clothes for Lindsay.

He headed to the kitchen to put on the coffee machine and as he turned the corner he noticed that the counter was full of milk powder and bottles. He let out a deep breath that he hadn't noticed that he was keeping in, 'Looks like I'll be busy!'

An hour later Danny looked at his watch, 10am, he had checked the apartment over many times to make sure he had everything he needed. He had even had time to move the cradle in to his room. The truth was he couldn't wait any longer to get his daughter home. There had been no words exchanged between Mac and Danny but he just knew that Mac was giving him as much time off as he needed to care of his daughter.

He grabbed his keys and wallet and left the apartment.

He jumped out of his car and practically ran up to maternity.

'Good Morning Mr Messer.' One of the nurses greeted him as neared the place of his daughter, 'Come to take your little Angel home?'

'I have,' he grinned proudly as he opened the door where a nurse was getting Lindsay ready to leave.

'Oh hello Sir I see you brought the car seat' the nurse said indicating towards the object that Danny was carrying, 'Do you want me to put Lindsay in it?'

'Erm, no it's ok I can, do' He said as the woman handed Lindsay to him.

30 minutes later the nurses had finished informing Danny of every extra little thing that he needed to do and remember. It then took him another 10 minutes to let the nurses leave with such a beautiful child!

'Ok sweetie, let's get you home.' He said as he made sure that the car seat was fitted securely.

As he was half way home he looked in the rear view mirror for the hundredth time and noticed that Lindsay was now asleep. He was that child's father and the thought put an enormous grin on his face- the first one in 24 hours. He was so glad that this child was a part of his life and he couldn't wait to get home where his mum was going to visit and see her first grandchild!

Louie had nether had children before the coma and with Danny having that 'player' status Angie Messer had doubted that she'd ever have a grandchild. But then life changed after Louie woke up he gave up with the whole dugs, guns and Tanglewood and tried to build up his life. He had got a job at an office and was well respected at the work place and now had his own fiancé. Who he had engaged to two months previous the woman's name was Lucy and Danny loved her like his own sister and Louie; well Louie had fallen for her nearly as bad as Danny had for Lindsay.

He had now arrived back at his apartment's car park and tried to shake off the lonely feeling that was already growing inside of him. He got out and opened the door, 'Hello sweetie, we are home.'

He opened his apartment and headed for the couch. He thought about putting Lindsay in her cradle but he wanted to spend time with her. So he took her out of her car seat and lay on his side on the sofa. He positioned Lindsay so she was lying beside him on the sofa while he propped his head up with his fist and looked down at the small and fragile child that was still asleep.

Yesterday he had noticed how much she looked like her mother. She was as beautiful as his wife and Danny loved the fact that Lindsay would never be forgotten and that their daughter would hopefully grow up to resemble Lindsay Monroe Messer. However he hated the fact every time he looked at her daughter he saw his wife.

A buzzer awoke him from his daydream and he got up with Lindsay in his arms to greet his guests,

'Yeh?'

'Oi Danny buzz us up it's cold out here!'

'Calm down bro,' Danny chuckled as he buzzed up his family. Two minutes later he opened the door to face his mother, Louie and his fiancée Lucy.

'Ma, good to see 'ya come in! Where's pa?'

'Your father is on his way but never mind the chit chat dear! I want to have a proper look at my grandchild,' both Danny and Louie laughed, 'Come on hand her over!'

Danny of course passed his daughter over to hi mother and then went to greet the others,

'Good to see 'ya Luc,' He said as he kissed her on the cheek and then turned to face his brother.

'Hey Lou, I didn't think you to were coming,' He said as he pulled his brother into a hug.

'Yeh well, did you think I was going to leave it any longer to come and see you and my little niece!'

Lucy headed over to Angie to get a better look at Lindsay, 'Are you ok man? How are you coping?' Louie said putting his hand on Danny's shoulder?'

Danny took a deep breath, 'As well I can man! I mean I miss her already but I have got someone else to occupy me at the moment. To be honest I'm trying not to think about her.'

'So that's why you keep moving your wedding ring around each time you talk? Because you aren't thinking about her?'

Danny gave him a weak smile, 'Danny I know you don't really want to talk about it yet and I know you might think it's too soon but well,' Louie took a deep breath, 'I think you should start thinking about planning erm Linds' funeral!'

Danny's head shot up, 'I'm saying right at this current moment but you can't leave it too long, you know that right.'

Danny started twiddling with is ring again, 'Yeh I know! I spoke to Lindsay Mum and Dad last night and they are getting a flight to the city. I mentioned the matter to them' he couldn't bring himself to say 'her funeral!'

'I offered to arrange for a burial all the way back in Montana somewhere near her friends that were killed.' Louie nodded, 'but they said that may have been her wish before she moved to New York but after only a few months of living here Lindsay already considered this her home and this is where she'd want to be!'

'They were right!' Louie said,

Danny nodded in agreement, 'I don't really know why I offered but anyway when they get back I'll arrange it with them and I want you and Mac to help. While in the city you two were more like her brother and father. She always said she had two families.' Danny said smiling.

'Anyway Dan enough of this, let's get a damn drink and go see that Angel over there, Ma and Luc are getting all the fun!' The two men grabbed a drink form the kitchen and then joined their family in the living room.


	3. Chapter 3

Luckily all Lindsay did was sleep apart from the times she woke up to be fed and changed however even then she never screamed or made a lot of noise. Danny had a feeling that she could feel the saddening aura that hung around her father so she stayed happy to try and cheer him up- well that was Danny's take on things.

Margaret and Tom were due to land at 10:30am New York Time. It was now 9am and Danny had everything ready for his guests. He had got out new sheets for the guest room made sure that his fridge was full (thanks to Stella and flack). He had also had time to prepare his famous spaghetti bolognaise in between taking care of Lindsay which wasn't proving difficult at the moment.

He had gotten up at 5am, he couldn't sleep- but then again who could blame him? He stood in the kitchen looking at the apartment: the floored had been hovered, all the glass had been cleaned, and all the wood had been polished- the whole place was spotless. He washed up is cup from which he had been drinking and headed down the hall towards Lindsay's room where he had placed her after getting up.

'Hello sweetie,' he said as he walked in t the room and went in search of something to dress his little angel in, 'Wanna go for a walk?'

He found the items he wanted and then reached into the crib and lifted up his daughter and kissed her forehead, 'Let's get you changed.'

After putting on the tiny little hat and some mittens that were obviously to big but would keep her warm, Danny picked her up and the went to the living room in search of the push chair. He put on his coat, scarf and grabbed his gloves and headed out the door towards the elevator.

Danny pressed the button for six floors down, the ground floor, 'Thank God this place has an elevator sweetie!'

He stepped out into the Lobby and nearly bumped in to his neighbour, a 75 year old pensioner, 'oh I'm sorry Mrs Matthews.'

'Oh it's ok young man,' she smiled at the young man, 'I heard the news Danny I am so sorry, this world it just too cruel.' Danny just looked at her and she understood what he felt like- she had felt the same way when her husband had died. 'Anyway, who have got here then?' She said as se leaned forward to stroke her hand over the child's face.

'Lindsay Montana Messer, Paula,' Mrs Matthews closed her eyes briefly as she heard the name that Danny had given her daughter.

'She's beautiful Danny, but I must dash the book club's visiting my place today and I need to bake some cakes.' Danny smiled at the woman as she took one last glace and Lindsay and stepped in the elevator.

Danny managed to say bye just before the doors closed and once again began to walk to the door. As he walked out the sheer cold hit him and after making sure that the blanket was tightly around Lindsay he walked off down the street.

Danny wasn't really in control of where he was going his feet were just taking him on the path that he had walked many times. He and Lindsay had just simply just gone on a walk when ever they were both off from work. Just walked. They had used to be satisfied with just being in the company of the other.

As he was walking it began to snow and he realised that it was now the 2nd of December. The last few days had made him completely forget about all the preparations that Lindsay had made while she was on maternity leave. He thought about the three stockings that she had been fussing over only one week ago she had insisted on getting hers and Danny's out after going out and buying a small little stocking for their child.

The due date of her pregnancy was the 21st of December and Lindsay had been adamant that she and her child would have been well enough to spend Christmas at home and use the stockings. This year they were planning on spending the holiday period alone, no parents, no friends, just the couple and their child. They were going to lock the world out and it would be the first time that Danny had spent Christmas away from his family.

As he thought about it, he wasn't sure if he wanted to change the plans and spend it with his parents but then again he did have somewhere else he could go and he felt that that would be the best option.

He rounded the corner and suddenly noticed that he was back in front of his apartment building and with the time being 10:05am he thought he should just head towards the buildings garage and head for the airport.

Danny pushed his way through the crowds in JFK airport towards the arrivals gate where Marge and Tom would appear from in a matter of minutes. He had got held up in traffic and at a glance of his watch only just made it!

He bent down beside the push chair, 'Ok sweetie your Grandma and Granddad are gonna come through the gate in a minute ok? So you're going to be a good girl for Danny right?' He asked obviously not accepting a reply.

He stood back up and looked towards the gate as his mother and father in-law walked through they looked extremely tired after their flight but smiled as Danny waved to get their attention.

Marge grabbed her husband's hand and pulled her towards Danny when she reached him she wrapped Danny in her arms and pulled him close. She could feel all the tension and emotion that was still there in Danny after what she knew had been a tearful few days.

When she pulled away, call it a mother's thing, but she could see more clearly the pain in his eyes more than anyone else could and for some reason he knew it.

She looked down at her grand daughter and her eyes welled up but she managed to hide the fact from Danny and continued to look at Lindsay seeing only her daughter in the young child.

Tom Monroe turned to face Danny after watching his wife and seeing him play with his wedding band coursed him to pull the young man in a hug, 'It's good to see you son,'

Danny didn't expect to be hugged by Mr Monroe, he'd have never expected such a thing off of the older man but he appreciated the gesture.

'Danny she's beautiful you can tell she's yours and Lindsay's daughter.' She said standing up again and going round to push the push chair.

'Nah, She's all Montana,' Danny said as they headed the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Marge and Tom had been staying with Danny for two days and every time she had tried to bring up the subject of her daughter he would shrug her off with an excuse like, 'Lindsay needs changing', 'Lindsay needs to be fed'!

And she had decided that she wasn't having any more of it. She walked in to the apartment after going to fetch some things from the shop and saw Danny sitting in front of the TV with a bottle of beer. Which she had noticed had become his now usual evening routine.

She put the shopping on the side and headed down towards the guest room where she found her husband reading, 'Tom will you take Lindsay for a walk?' Tom looked up a little confused but when he saw the look that his wife was giving him he understood what she want (needed) to do.

'Sure,' He smiled at his wife as he put his book down, took off his reading glasses and walked over to his wife and kissed her on the cheek. 'Do you want to come and help me get her ready?'

'Nope, I'm sure you can cope, but hurry up!' She said as she kissed him sweetly on the cheek and headed back down the hall towards her son in law.

She walked straight in front of him, switched off the TV and sat in the second armed chair, in one fluid movement.

'Yes?' Danny asked knowing what was coming.

'Danny we need to tal…'

'I think Lindsay needs…' Danny stood up but Marge beat him to it and forced him back into his seat.

'No you don't Danny,' Marge said forcefully, 'TOM?' As she spoke her husband came walking down the corridor pushing Lindsay in her push chair.

'I'll see you guys in a bit,' He said smiling at the sight in front of him.

'Great,' Danny thought, 'I'm trapped.' He turned to face Marge and they sat their trying to read each other.

'Danny, I know that the past couple of days have been very traumatic and painful for you but you have been behaving like you are the only one in this situation! Your friend Don called me yesterday he says that you won't answer neither of his or your colleagues calls. From what Lindsay told me you were all a tight bunch- more like family than friends. So don't you think they are hurting as well? This is something you can't go through on your own Danny and hiding in the shadow of your new daughter isn't going to help! And I'm not going to let you sit here and drown your sorrows when there are people that need you.'

Danny just looked down at his beer, 'But…'

'But what? She was my daughter Dan, don't you think it's affecting me! Your child shouldn't die before you so you don't prepare yourself for it! I hope you never have to go through that, I really do! But you can't just sit here forever and block out the world.'

Danny looked up, 'Danny when I see you with your daughter you make me smile for the first time in days. I see the pain in your eyes because of the resemblance that she has to my daughter but I also see how much you love her, how much you want to protect and care for her. But Danny things aren't looking good are they for you and fatherhood no! Things are just going to get worse unless you decide to make them better.'

Both Danny and Marge had silent tears rolling down theirs cheeks, 'I hate to say Danny but Lindsay is dead! She's not coming sob back and nobody not even all the love in the world can bring her sob back! You need to live a life which Lindsay can't for her and your daughter's sake. She's just not coming back!'

As she finished Marge broke down all the tears and emotions that she had tried to hide from Danny and her husband were pouring out. Danny got up and held Marge close to his heart which had been ripped apart at the news of the Montana's death.

As the two sat in the middle of the New York apartment, tears flowing, only time would tell if all hearts would be rebuilt but what they did know for certain was that it would be centred around the little child with the name, Lindsay Montana Messer.

It had been a long week for Danny Messer but after Marge's talk, it had been a happier one. He had realised that there was no point in feeling sorry for himself any longer because he couldn't change what had happened. He wasn't the only one that had been affected and his daughter needed him.

He had got his entire apartment decorated for Christmas just how Lindsay had planned and was his way to the Crime lab to do something Lindsay had said she wanted to do this year. He hadn't been to the Lab since his confrontation with the man who had shot his wife but had been out with Flack one night after Marge insisted and he had also invited Mac to visit to organise Lindsay's send off.

He turned off the engine and took Lindsay's car seat out of the back along with two large bags. 'Come on sweetie, let's do this,' He said as he got into the elevator.

As he stepped out the first person he saw was Adam in the nearest lab, he walked towards him and popped his head through the door, 'Hey Adam, Get yourself down to reception! Tom needs your help, thanks' and without another word he walked away towards the break room.

Adam was a little confused the last time he had seen Danny he was strangling a man in the corridor and now he was asking him to go and see a man he didn't know. However curiosity got the best of him so he packed away the evidence and headed for reception.

Danny put Lindsay on the sofa and put the bags he was carrying on the floor beside it; he looked at the Christmas tree and sighed, 'Look at that sweetie, Mac hasn't splashed out much has he!' The tree had a small skeleton like structure and was covered in old decorations that had been put up each year since Danny joined the team, 'Mummy was right that has got to go!'

Mac and Stella were in Mac's office trying to find a lead for their case when they noticed Danny move from the elevator to the break room with Adam leaving in between.

'Mac what the heck do you think he's up to? Have you seen the size of those bags?' Stella said as they watched Danny walk around the room and put a CD into the break room's player. As he pressed a button they heard 'All I want for Christmas' begin to play and looked at each other with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. 'Mac, do you want to go see what he's up to?'

'No, I think I'm going to have a look at what he's doing before I go in and burst his bubble!' He said with a small smile playing on his lips.

Stella looked back at Danny just in time to see him stuff their Christmas tree in the bin, 'Now I'm confused.' Danny walked over to Lindsay and kissed her on the forehead before he reached in his bag and pulled out handfuls of decorations out.

'Mac,' Mac turned to look at Stella.

'What?'

'Look,' she pointed at the elevator as Adam walked out hidden by numerous bushy branches followed by two people she had only ever seen in photographs before.

Mac laughed t the sight before him and stood up, 'Are you coming?'

Stella stood up and followed Mac who was now kissing the woman on the check, 'Good to see you here, Mrs Monroe,' She put her hands on her hips.

'Mac, what have I told you, it's Marge! Ok?'

Mac laughed and shook Tom's hand, 'Tom, Marge this is Stella Bonasera my partner and Lindsay's friend and colleague,' he directed their attention to Stella who stepped forward.

'It's so nice to meet you Stella with have heard so many things about you' Marge said.

'All good I hope,'

'Of course,' Tom replied as he kissed him on the check.

'Mac, Mac?' Mac turned to face the tree that was talking to him.

'Yes Adam?'

'Where's Danny? This thing's beginning to itch!'

Everybody laughed at the lab tech that was hidden from view, 'He's in the break room.' He said as Adam shuffled off with everyone watching him struggle with the task that Danny had given him!

Everyone walked into the break room as Danny had started to dress the tree.

'So Mac what do 'ya think?' Danny asked as he shoved the star on top.

'Well its great…weren't you going to tell me?' Mac asked raising his eyebrows.

'Nope,' Danny replied shortly as he fussed over his daughter and picked up his second bag which was still bursting. Stella just laughed at Mac's reaction.

Danny gave out the rest of his decorations and began to give out his orders, 'Ok guys, it's your turn to decorate the rest of the lab! I'm going to finish mine and Lindsay's office and then do Mac's!' Danny said with a large smile on his face.

Mac just looked at him like he was strange but Stella stopped him when he looked like he was about to speak, 'Oh come on Mac get your ass in to gear its Christmas!'

'Exactly, Come on sweetie,' Danny said as he picked up Lindsay, turned up the music a little and left the room.

'Ok let's get started!' Adam said as he began to examine the decorations he had been given.

One hour later everyone, including Flack and Hawkes who had helped, was sitting in the break room enjoying a well deserved rest. The lab was now ready for Christmas- full of colour and joy.

'Messer you did a great job of Mac's office! He just needs a little Santa suit now and he'll look right at home,' Stella said as she laughed at the image of "Santa Mac"

'Oh shut it Stel!' Mac said as he laughed as well, 'Danny, where did you get the idea to decorate the lab anyway?' Mac asked.

'Montana,' everyone went silent; Danny was the only one who stayed smiling, 'Near the end of November she was saying about how each year the lab gets crap decorations and she was going to sort it out this year! But well you know…she can't so I am!'

'Well it was a great idea Dan,' Flack said as she took another sip of her coffee.

'Ok guys since we are all together I need to tell you something,' Danny stroked his finger down Lindsay's check; 'Me and Lindsay are going to Montana for Christmas with Marge and Tom after Montana's funeral.' Everyone looked at him a little confused, 'I just thought it would be good to go and see Montana's family again and plus they need to see sweetie here and there no better time than Christmas!' He smiled as his friends nodded and looked at the girl who curled her fingers around her father's little finger.


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, I'd forgotten that i'd posted here so here a large update. It was written at christmas ;)

Letters of goodbye.

'Ok sweetie, your done,' Danny said as he lifted Lindsay off of the changing table and put her in to the car seat, 'Let Daddy just get his tie and then we'll be off ok?'

Danny picked up the seat and went in search of his black tie that was drooped over the back of the sofa. He put Lindsay down and pulled up his collar. 'I hope you will be good for Daddy today sweetie just like everyday.'

Lindsay shifted in her sleep, 'You're an angel just like your mummy aren't you? And today I've got to say goodbye to one of my angels.'

He picked up Lindsay and grabbed his jacket, 'But we aren't going to forget her are we sweetie. I know I won't. As you grow up I'll make sure you grow up knowing who your mummy was ok? We won't forget her, she can't be replaced!' Danny said as he opened the door and headed towards the car and headed for the cemetery.

The whole team was standing around the grave of Lindsay Monroe. In Danny's opinion everything that had needed to be said, had been said, all that was needed to do, had been done, but there was one last thing that was needed.

The final part of the burial had been Danny's idea. He had wanted to do something that was personal to everyone around him and what would have meant something to Lindsay.

Marge and Tom had taken Lindsay back to the car so Danny and the team could do what he had planned. He looked around, each person was holding a little envelope. He had given each person clear instructions to write a message to Lindsay, no one else would read them apart from themselves.

Danny's eyes connected with Mac's and he nodded, 'Ok guys,' they all stepped forward and dropped there own message on top of the casket.

_Lindsay, _

_Since you arrived and I got to know you Linds you've been the bestest friend I could have hoped for. You've helped me through some rough spots and I've helped you through yours. It's still strange that you're not here but I do try and be strong for Danny and your wonderful daughter. She's beautiful Lindsay but even though I'll try I don't think that Danny will need any help- he's the best father in the world. I can still remember your first day I knew you'd do great and you didn't prove me wrong! I'm going to miss you Linds but I hope you are in better place and I'll take care of Danny for you. _

_Stella _

_Linds, _

_Ok Linds, you know I'm not good with saying things- remember my best mans speech! When Danny said he had this idea about us writing a message to you the only problem I had was I wasn't sure what to write. But one thing I do know is that you are an amazing woman Linds and you must be one special personto have changed Danny the way you did. I which we could have said goodbye properly but we couldn't so I'm saying it now. Goodbye Linds, I'll miss you and I'll try and keep Messer in one piece for you. _

_Flack _

_Lindsay, _

_Lindsay from what you told me you were never that good at goodbyes. And neither am I. I know that the others will probably write a lot but it breaks my heart having to write this knowing I will never get to talk to you again because I will miss you. Goodbye Lindsay Monroe _

_Adam _

_Lindsay, _

_I don't feel like I can say goodbye to you Linds. I can remember when you first started and we were both getting used to being part of the NY team. You were clumsy and nervous but since then you have completely changed. You and Stella had the hard job of keeping us boys in line and holding the team together. You alone did this with your happiness and made us more of a family. So I thank you for that Linds and I'll miss you. _

_Sheldon _

_Lindsay, _

_For not the first time in my life Linds the past few weeks has had me completely lost. I would sit there and watch my team fall apart because you were gone and unable to pull them back together. I never thought that Danny would be the one to recover first but he did and the only real reason for this was your daughter. She's beautiful and she's going to be the mirror image of her mummy when she grows up. I promise you Linds that I will not let anything happen to her even if my life depends on it. I have lost too much already. I never thought another friend of mine would be taken from me but I was wrong. You were more like a daughter to me Linds and I'll miss you. _

_Mac _

_Montana, _

_I hope I haven't disappointed you Montana since you had to leave. I just wish we could have said goodbye properly. I know I do not need to write much because I know that you know how I feel about you. You will never be replaced in my heart Montana, there is only room in there for you and our daughter. I will take care of Linds and make sure that she knows what a special person you were. I love you, I always will, I miss you and I always will. _

_Danny _

They all stood back from the grave. Tears escaped from everybody, nobody was ashamed even Flack because they knew that this was one time they were allowed. They turned around and started to head back to the gates. Stella holding on to Mac as she let her tears flow.

His present

It was Christmas Eve, a week since Lindsay's funeral, and Danny sat on the chair in her childhood bedroom holding a small box in his hand. When he had taken out his suitcase to pack for Montana he had found this box hidden inside of it. It was a Christmas present for him from Lindsay.

He wasn't sure if he should put it under the tree down stairs with everyone else's, open it when he first got up in the morning or open it now. It was only a Christmas present, you get presents every year, but this present was his last from his Montana. Some people would say that the thirty minutes he had spent thinking about it was stupid but to Danny it wasn't.

He looked at his daughter who was sleeping peacefully in the cradle next to him and then looked back at the present that was placed n his lap. He had to open it now, a way from everyone else.

He began to pull apart the wrapping paper and was now holding a small blue box. He lifted the lid and his heart sank. It was an extra dog tag for his chain. He took it out of the box and read the side that was facing him.

_**Montana's**_  
_**Man**_

Danny laughed at the wording, Lindsay would always say that to him when she was in a happy mood and taking the 'Mickey' out her own nickname. He turned the tag around and read the other side.

_**Agape**_  
_**Conquers**_

He read it many times remembering how true and real their love for each other was. The words to him represented how he had been feeling for the past few weeks, yes Lindsay was gone but their love would never leave.

He took his chain from around his neck and added the new tag next to Lindsay's engagement and wedding ring.

'Danny, are you up there? Dinner's ready!' Marge shouted up the stairs.

'I'm on my way,' Danny stood placing the empty box back in the wrapping and put it back in the suitcase, where he had found it.

Pirates!

'Good morning sweetie, merry Christmas,' Danny said as he kissed his daughter, 'Let's get you changed then we can go down stairs to open presents!'

When he entered the room Joel and Ben Lindsay's brothers and Ben's wife Kath were all sitting in the living room along with Tom waiting to open presents.

'Oh hey Danny, Phil will be so glad you're down, he's so excited!' Ben said.

'Danny, can I hold little Lindsay, please,' Kath asked as she looked at the beautiful child.

'Sure,' Danny walked over and passed his daughter over before sitting in the free armchair.

Marge walked in carrying a plate full of bacon sandwiches followed by a five year old boy, Philip, who was Ben and Kath's son. Philip didn't notice Danny at first but when he did…

'Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan you're ere.' Philip stood up, ran and jumped onto Danny. 'Uncle Dan, please an I open my presents now, please. Now you're ere we an, right Daddy?' Phil turned and looked at Ben.

'You'll have to ask your mum son,' he turned again to face Kath who was fussing over Lindsay.

'Mummy?' Phil said with a smile on his face.

'I think you're going to have to ask Uncle Joel,' all the adults were now laughing as they teased the little boy but before Joel could say anything Danny spoke,

'Come on guys let's stop tormenting him,' Philip turned back around to face his uncle.

'Tometing?!' Phil asked confused as Danny smiled.

'Never mind Phil, why don't you go start opening them prezzies!'

'Yay!' Philip shouted as he jumped off of Danny's knee and ran to the tree in search of his prezzies.

'That was wonderful Marge,' Danny said as he lent back on his chair, 'I have never eaten so much in my life, I'm stuffed!'

Philip who was sitting next to Danny, lent back, stretched his arms and then put his hands on his stomach just like his uncle, 'Yeh nana dat was mmmm mmm' he said with a smile, 'I ave never eaten o much in my ife, I'm duffed,' He looked at Danny and Danny looked back and raised his eyebrows. As Philip began to laugh Danny started to tickle him making the boys giggles worse.

Marge stood up and began to stack up the many empty, 'Well I'm glad you liked it,' she said smiling.

'Uncle Dan, an you ome and play with dat pirate ship I got off Anta?'

Danny bit his lip, 'Sorry buddy but I got to go and feed Lindsay.'

'Danny I can go and do that,' Kath smiled as she headed out of the room.

'Yay! Come on Uncle Dan let's go play.' Philip stood up and dragged Danny off towards the living room. 'Dan whit pirate do you wana be?'

'Erm that one,' Danny said as he pointed to one of pirates.

'Uncle Dan did ou know dat dat pirate has to marry this girl,' he said picking up a figure of a small woman but then he lent forward and whispered, 'I was woting Pirates of the Cariben last night wit Daddy!'

'Ooh right,' Danny said as he nodded at the younger boy, 'So what's her name?' Danny asked as he looked down at his pirate.

'Uncle Dan, her name is Lindsay!' Danny's head shot up, 'She looks like auntie Linds don't she Dan?'

'Yeh I suppose she does buddy,' Danny said as the smile faded from his face.

Philip jumped up and sat on his uncle's lap, 'Ou miss her don't ou Dan?' Danny nodded as he smiled at the young boy, 'It's ok to be sad ou know Uncle Dan,' He said as he hugged the older man.

'I know it is buddy and I've been sad, well I still am I suppose, but Lindsay is with the angels now but she's also in here,' Danny said as he pointed to his heart.

'I dink she's a bit big to fit in dere Uncle Dan,' Philip whispered.

Danny laughed, 'When did you get so smart young man?' Danny tickled the boy once again and Philip squirmed in his Uncle's arms.

Buddy's plans

'Uncle Dan, why are ou going back ome tomorrow?' Philip said as he sat on his uncle's knee. They were watching, well trying to watch, one of them old films that are shown on television each Christmas.

'Well because that's what it is buddy, my home. Just like Montana is your home.'

'Well why can't I go whid ou?'

'Because buddy your school, granddad, nanny, friends, mummy and Daddy are here and you were born here.'

'But but Untie Linds went to Nude Ork Dan! Why can't I?'

Danny laughed at the boy's enthusiasm, 'Yes Buddy, Lindsay did go to New York but she was a grown woman. You are only five; I don't think your mummy would like it if you went to New York on your own.'

'Yeh but Dan I ould come whid ou!'

'I tell you what buddy. In the summer you can come to New York for a while if you want?'

'And stayed whit ou?' Philip said bouncing up and down on Danny's knee.

'Well I don't know anyone else who'd have you!' Philip looked at him a little confused, 'Never mind, of course you'll stay with me.' Danny smiled.

'Yay!' Philip jumped off of Danny's knee, 'Mummy mummy, Uncle Dan said dat I can go whid him to Nude Ork!'

Kath looked at him raising her eyebrows, 'Did he now?'

'Hang on there buddy!' Danny said giving Philip a warning look which only made the small boy laugh, 'I said that when he's on holiday in the summer he can come and visit me and Lindsay and meet all the team. But only if you let him of course.'

'Can I mummy, please?' Philip had a huge grin on his face, 'I ont to meet Doc, Della, Adam, Mac and erm, Dan I forgot the one ou says is a bit silly?' Philip said as he sat there counting on his fingers.

'That's Flack!'

'Yeh dats the one, Fack! Please mummy an I go, please?' Philip put his hands in a prayer like position and looked up at Kath.

'Well we'll see Phil, any way I think it's some ones bedtime!'

Phil huffed, 'Ok mummy, Uncle Dan an you come whid me?'

'Sure buddy say goodnight and then we'll go up, I need to check on Linds anyway.' After Philip had said goodnight to everybody he grabbed Danny's hand and they headed upstairs.

Goodbyes

Everyone was at the airport waiting for Danny's plane to be called.

'Danny you will call as soon as you arrive back in New York wont you?' Marge asked as she hugged him.

'Of course I will,' he said as he shook Ben and Joel's hands, 'It was good to see you guys again.'

'Danny take care of Lindsay for us, won't you?' Tom asked as he shook his son-in-laws hand.

'Of course I will sir,' Danny said.

'I'm going Nude Ork like Dan aren't I mummy?' Philip said as Kath hugged Danny.

'Look what you've started now Danny!' Kat said as she put hr hands on her hips.

'I'm sorry Kath we'll talk about Phil's visit on the phone.' Danny said as he turned to face Philip, 'See you soon buddy!'

Philip stepped and jumped into his uncle's arms, 'I don't want youd to go Uncle Dan! I miss you!'

'I'll miss you too buddy but if I don't go you can't come and visit me ok?' Danny smiled as Philip nodded, 'Good well before I go, give us five buddy!'

'See youd soon uncle Dan,' Philip said smiling.

Danny picked up his bag and took Lindsay from Marge, 'I'll see you guys soon and yes I'll call when I land Marge! See you later buddy.'

Ok the next update will be set in the summer when young Philip visits "Nude Ork"


End file.
